if i died tomorrow

If I died tomorrow I'd want to have lived

I'd want my bucket list to be a list of things that I did

I'd want my mind to be an archive of great stories to tell

I'd want our motto to have been “oh fuck it, what the hell”

If I died tomorrow I'd want to have loved

And know how sunrise looks in the face of The One

I'd want to have found that safe haven embrace

And know how it feels when two souls interlace

I'd want movie montage moments with a stomach full of butterflies

And for once be allowed to get lost in somebody's eyes

I'd want to know morning tea right to entangled nights

And how cupid's arrow could withstand the worst flaws and fights

I'd want to not have had to miss somebody else

But still not have given up the love for myself

I'd want my youth to have been filled with reckless abandon

In the name of chasing every single one of our passions

In dances with death himself and little flings with fate

I hope we'll never look back and think it was too late

I hope burning throats and hazy heads lead to only laugh it off mistakes

And that we finally found our reasons that we want to stay awake

I hope on top of the world moments don't make you scared of heights

And when they ask again, “How are you?” We finally feel alright

I hope there's no unsaid words in a lump in my throat

Or in torn up letters or never sent notes

I hope that “I love you" was never one of my regrets

And I hope that I took chances with all of my bets

I hope that I would have found my way back home to you

And we got a chance to do all that we wanted to do

If I died tomorrow I hope you'd be by my side

Till the earth herself takes me back with her arms open wide

Temporary Infinities

There are two things that make me happy:

1) the things that make my racing thoughts still and render my inner voice speechless;

2) thought provoking things that remind me that

nothing and everything is real in this existence,

like the moments with him:

when the background blurs and we live in a world of bokeh.

Everything’s okay

cause nothing else matters, nothing placed above,

when you've got someone to love

and I'm certain of that.

When I hold his gaze,

I'm amazed

1) that though the sound of his voice makes silent and calm

my never ending string of fears,

the view from a roof of a house that's not mi

ne

2) makes obvious the vastness of this sphere

on which we live and dwell

and decide whether we feel badly or well.

When my eyes seem to gleam brighter than the st

ars

and the rest of the world and my life seems so far

a speck of dust surrounded with answers—

the universe may never tell;

and if I had to explain the concept of time and memory

and the moments that stick with me

I think I'd say

that it's the way

that there's tiny shiny pieces of confetti carrying fragments of fun from my party,

my sixteenth birthday,

scattered all over my bedspread

and the laughter and singing in the back of my head

is echoed in the popping of weeks old balloons

hiding the floor of my room,

just like how my friends hid

to surprise me that Saturday afternoon

and it's the way that as she and I stumbled and wandered down unfamiliar paths,

we ended back at the fields

where we had a picnic meal

about a year ago, June

time flies fast

and as we glide down the hill of overgrown grass near the pond at the top of the world,

the picnic blanket is gone, and the biscuits, and the jam;

but the memories fly through the breeze in a whirl,

the sun sets in ways that watercolour paint the sky,

illustrating scenes of so many nights

watching the city view, sitting on that one swingset,

feeling free as we reach for clouds up high

and so, there are many things in this life that make me feel alive,

like realizing I’m living them in the moment

when time slows down and the world floats around me.

temporary infinity;

our meanings of life out in the open

lovers & other fools

To fall in love is that of a fool's errors

And to become the fool is my greatest terror

Because only through the naively painted rose tint of a lens,

Could the lover believe that their beloved is truly crafted by a god's own hands,

If not one themselves,

So I do not build that high shelf

On which to place a fraud upon

Lest thoughts of reason be so far gone

For only a fool would become entangled in such reckless bonds

To trust another is a grave mistake

That I have sworn myself to never again make

To prevent what has been done be done twice over,

History will not repeat itself nor ignorance takeover,

As worn am I from crying out to what seems a deaf lover

With eyes glued shut for they'd never meet mine

Not I, the uninvited guest of their soul

Yet they peel back my eyelids

And run off with the faith that they stole

Love's mistress is doom

For they both go hand in hand

Towards oblivion

With the aid of borrowed time and intoxicating adrenaline

Of a futile attempt to outrun the inevitable

Some find that fate preferable

To the company of being alone

I don’t

Because the so-called prize of love is fool's gold

And all the tales that time has ever told

Are nothing but works of fiction

And the product of infatuated addictions

Wherein my once blind heart had eyes forced open to hear the pain, feel the lies

And break the curse of being hypnotized

Like cruel love's kiss, a dizzy spell,

A truth I swore that I would yell,

That all love be damned, as life's greatest scam.